Disconnect and Discontent

Disconnect. Today I felt disconnected and discontented. I had terrible nightmares last night and woke up with a headache that persisted throughout the day. I lazed around too long, accomplished too little and just couldn’t quite snap out of it. 

The thing is that the kids were really great today. My husband was phenomenal, doing the grocery shopping and running a few errands that needed to be done. The sun was shining. Everything was right with the world but something in my heart was off. My mind said everything was great but my heart couldn’t connect with that thought.

Why is it that we have these days? Being a type-A, perfectionist, it’s hard for me to accept the days when I’m not upbeat. The moments when I’m not my normal, energetic, hopeful self. These are the times I have to step back and cut myself a break. 

I remind myself, it’s okay to be grouchy. It’s okay to be lazy. It’s okay to have an “off” day. We’re human. While I struggled today, I also found some beautiful moments. I grabbed a game of tennis with my kids. I was able to pray with my son and help him through some anxiety. I walked with my kids and watched them play. I took my dog for a walk. I hugged my husband. Somehow he and I even found time to have an uninterrupted conversation today (that never ever happens). 

What’s my point? It happens. We wear down and some days we just don’t feel great, even when everything is right. But even on the “off” days, we can push through, focus on our blessings, and just take the day one moment at a time. I know how fortunate I am. I have everything that matters to me in this life, my husband, my children, my family, our health, our home, a good career, a happy life. But even with so many blessings, I am not perfect. I cannot be perfectly happy and content every day of my life. I am an imperfect, broken, work-in-progress, child of God. And I’m learning that I can cut myself a break and know that it’s okay. Okay to get tired. Okay to feel sad. Okay to take time to reset and refresh. 

The day is done now. I’m ending the evening with jammies and movies with my family. Tomorrow is a new day and after a good night’s rest and with God’s help, in the morning my heart will be lighter.