Have you ever been surprised by your own thoughts? I consider myself extremely self-aware, and all of the nerdy personality tests, that I love so very much, have said the same thing about me. But a few weeks ago, a thought leaped out of my mind with such veracity that I was totally and completely shocked.
My thought was this, “Why should I have to wash the dishes?” It could have been any thought really. Why do I have to fold the laundry? Why do I have to run the report? Why do I have to pick up grandma? It’s that routine thought that runs through our minds a million times every week as we exhaust ourselves beyond all repair, and we wonder why this responsibility or that task falls on our shoulders…and more importantly, we wonder why it doesn’t fall on our spouse’s shoulders, on our friends’ shoulders, or on co-worker Susie’s shoulders. These thoughts aren’t shocking, and I expect we all have them. At least I hope I’m not the only one.
The thought that I had directly after the “dishes” thought, the epiphany I had, was, “Why shouldn’t I have to wash the dishes?” How do I say this without offending every person who has ever thought, “Why should I have to?” I’m going to just put this out there. I realized I was making myself a victim. I had been indulging in a sort of entitlement that whispered in my ear that I deserved something more than simply taking care of my responsibilities, truth be told, my blessings. Those thoughts, those negative, whiny, victim-y thoughts did not serve me. They did not serve my marriage. They did not serve my relationships or my personal development. What those thoughts did is foster resentment inside of my soul. They made me feel like I was doing more than my fair share. They bolstered up my self-worth above those I love and depend upon in this life.
And then I had another thought. My idea was what would happen if I changed the thought, “Why should I?” to “I’m thankful I can.” What if I gave gratitude that this day allows me to wash the dishes and care for my home? What if I offered up gratitude every time I need to and am able to make my bed, help my kids with their homework, read a bedtime story, take out the trash, or let the dogs out. Something strange happened in that moment. I felt empowered. And it’s the feeling I’ve been left with ever since.
So many things become work because we feel like this or that isn’t our sole responsibility. That may be the truth. For those of us with a spouse, the dishes, the trash, the vacuuming, the billion things we do for our children…none of that is solely our responsibility. We are fortunate enough to have a partner to help us. But what I found in myself, as embarrassing as it is, is that I was spending too much time keeping a tally. Avoiding a chore or task because I hoped someone else (a-hem, husband?), would get to it first. Or avoiding it because I resented the fact that it is something he just doesn’t do. “Why should I have to if he doesn’t have to?” kind-of-type-of-thing.
This thinking is toxic. So I flipped the script in my own mind. I give grace to my partner, and I know he is doing the best he can to support our family and our life together. And I give thanks that, for today, I can wash the stinkin-unending-mindnumbing-stack of dishes.
Is this something you’ve experienced? Have you gone from entitled to empowered? We all have our own ways of thinking, and sometimes we get so wrapped up in the way we see the world, it can be difficult to gain perspective. For me, I’m finding again and again that gratitude is the true differentiator. If we can just be thankful for today, we start to see that even our most hated chore is also our blessing. Hello 17 loads of laundry that mean I have a happy family!