MBA – Day 1

I started my first class for my MBA today….Masters of Business Administration…Graduate Degree…it sounds so nice, so fancy. Right? I always thought I would get my Masters. It’s always been a part of my plan, at the back of my mind, tapping me on the shoulder, saying “hey you, busy wife, mom and employee, remember me??? We have work to do.” 

At four and seven, my kids are quickly becoming self-sufficient. The days of diapers and bottles are long gone. They can feed themselves, bathe themselves, dress themselves. So there’s no time like the present to put a little focus on me and my goals, right?


I vaguely recall what it was like to work on my Undergraduate Degree when Jace was a small child. I was working full time and commuting  to school at night. I remember spending weekends parked at the computer. I remember the late nights and early mornings. I remember missing the parties and gatherings because I had to study. So I should have known what was coming…how quickly we forget.

I had my first night of materials tonight. I completed my first assignment, hit the discussion board and began to study our first chapter. I worked on my course from 5:00 until I called it quits at 9:30. The material was fascinating and challenging and overwhelming. I felt parts of my mind come alive that I haven’t exercised in years. I focused only on the task at hand and I couldn’t have been more intrigued and excited. I’ve always been a real nerd for school….

Then I came home and found my whole sweet family asleep. I crawled into my kids’ bed and kissed their heads. They didn’t even stir. I ate and I lie restless now. 

It dawns on me…so this is what this is going to be like. This is what being in school is like. It is so strange that you can talk about a reality over and over again, but until you experience it, until you feel it, you don’t know. I’ve been away from my kids for exactly one night. So why I lie in bed, my heart squeezed tight, tears sliding down my cheeks, I have no idea. It must be the realization that there are going to be many nights like this. Nights that I don’t get to do their homework with them, hear their mealtime prayers, help them into their PJs, read them their bedtime stories. Those moments are my favorite moments in the world. Missing those moments truly breaks my heart.


So why? Why am I doing this to myself? Why is it so hard to be everything you want to be? The best mom, wife, daughter, friend, the brightest student, hardest working employee, the most loving Christian…why can’t we be all things to all people? Or better yet, why do we feel like we have to be? 

I’ve always wanted to get my MBA. I love to learn and grow and stretch myself beyond my limits. I certainly made things hard on myself choosing to start my family first and complete my education second. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. I wouldn’t give up all that I have even if it hurts to do things my way at times.

My hope is that my children see what is possible. That my accomplishments mean more to them than my time away sacrifices. My hope is that when my kids have a goal or potential they do whatever it takes to reach it. I hope they see how important it is to never stop learning, growing, pushing yourself. I hope that they are proud of their mother. And I hope they know how very much I love them. 

So I have one night down. Approximately 917 nights to go. No sweat. 

We’ve Been Married for a DECADE

Today I am celebrating 10 years of marriage with my husband. Let me put this into perspective for you…I can clearly remember what it felt like to be 10 years old. What I thought of, worried about, what made me laugh. And yet, somehow, here I am at 31 and celebrating 10 years of MARRIAGE. Whoa. 


When I thought about what to write about this milestone, many things came to mind. I thought about how time has changed us. How our relationship has grown from an exciting, passionate, hormone-driven attraction into a deep, solid, intimate bond that I cherish deeply. Thinking about the time that has passed, I know I wouldn’t go back to that “exciting” time (well maybe for just a moment)…but truly I wouldn’t trade what we have today for anything, not for anything in the world.

I am filled with gratitude for the sheer fact that this man, my husband, has dedicated his entire life to me. To our marriage. To our life together. When I think about that idea, I am completely overwhelmed. 

We don’t often take the time to think of what marriage really is. We look at our partners every single day. We know their eyes, their smiles (and frowns), we see the fine lines that have started to settle in, we know the way they move through our homes, through our days and through our lives together. We take them for granted without ever stopping to see what a miracle it is that this person has chosen to love us, only us, for their entire life. That they will spend every single day devoted to what we can accomplish together. What an amazing gift. 

Marriage is so much more than being taken care of. More than having someone to spend your days with. It’s more than a promise. Marriage is gift, a blessing. It is something I’m not sure any of us are good enough to deserve. The idea that this other person, and not just any person, my husband, the man I admire and respect….the idea that he feels the same way as I do. There just are no words to express my gratitude for this bond, this love, this marriage.

So on my 10 year anniversary, I am grateful. I am filled with gratitude for 10 years of love, friendship, honesty. I am grateful also for the harder days, when I’m not at my best and neither is he…and we love each other anyway. I’m grateful for the ways we’ve grown and learned together. For our children and the blessing of being parents together. I am grateful for the future, for the memories to be made. Grateful that I’ll wake up tomorrow and we will still be in this marriage, ready for another day together, whatever may come. 


Happy anniversary to my husband, the love of my life, my sweet baby. You make my life whole.  I love you forever and always. Thanks for 10 amazing years.