Wait…what? It’s only Tuesday???
This has already been the longest week…ever. I was coming off the high of a wonderful, fun-with-my-kiddos, relaxing, house-in-order, everything-right-with-the-world kind of weekend on Sunday evening. It was about 10:30 (which came too soon with this wicked ‘spring forward’ time change). I realized that my husband had never returned my keys when he had moved my car into the garage that afternoon. Trying to be sure I would be ready for the rush to the door on Monday morning, I decided to check with him, “Where did you put my keys?” He had thought he had set them on the kitchen counter. He was wrong.
An intense search ensued; we looked for my keys until midnight. We never found them. This shouldn’t have been a big deal, right? I mean, I can always pull out my spare set, right? WRONG! My spare stopped working about six months ago (darn computerized cars) and I never got it fixed. Ugh. Hind sight really is 20/20.
That was Sunday and it is now Tuesday. Still no keys. Still no car. My car has been towed to the mechanic’s. It’s been there since Monday around 3:00. I have realized a lot of things over the last two days while not having a car. a) It’s stressful…planning for dropping my kids at school and childcare…getting to work…coordinating car seats with those who are kindly willing to help you out. It takes a lot of planning. b) You never want to go anywhere until you can’t. c) I’m glad I live two blocks from my work. d) You are really happy when it’s sunny out when you don’t have a car!
I also woke up late on Monday (most likely due to the late night search party Sunday night and time change) and I missed my workout entirely. Tuesday I also woke up late and only got in half of my work out. Things are super crazy at work and I’m working as hard as I can from the moment I walk in the door to the moment I leave.
These things…these little things are what have made me feel undone this week. These are the moments I said to myself “You have got to be KIDDING me!!!” And now I sit back and gain some perspective and I realize they are nothing.
You see, my son has to be at the hospital tomorrow at 9:30 to register for his first surgery. He is having a tonsillectomy. I fought having this done for a while but after six separate strep infections over the last year, I gave in to seeing an ENT. When the specialist shared with me that the real danger of strep is that the infection can pass to a heart valve and it can then be deadly, my heart skipped a beat. I shared with the doctor that Jace actually has a heart valve defect and he responded that Jace’s defect is all the more reason to move forward with this surgery. So here we are, three weeks later and tomorrow is THE DAY.
As I spent this evening with my son, I let him play a little longer outside before making him come in. When he asked to go for a bike ride, I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I brought him to the movie store and let him pick out all of the movies and games he wanted (these should come in handy during his recovery). I surprised him with a walk to the ice cream shop and I listened intently as he jabbered to my husband and me all the way home. And now at this moment, up past his bedtime, he’s playing a video game and I can’t muster the courage to make him go to bed. I know I don’t want him to lie in bed and think of tomorrow the way I will when the lights go out. So I’ll just let the bedtime thing go for tonight.
I know Jace will be fine tomorrow. There are risks anytime someone is put under for a surgery and I don’t take that lightly. Jace’s heart defect and the fact that we have to have a letter from his cardiologist before the ENT will perform surgery on him, makes me uneasy. But honestly, if Jace’s heart was perfectly formed, I would still be nervous. No one wants to see their baby in pain. I’m nervous and my heart hurts just thinking that he will have to endure the fear of the unknown and the pain that I know will follow (I had my tonsils removed when I was seven…I know!).
As I reflect on my stressful week, on all of the moments I wanted to pull my hair out and didn’t, as I think about all of the quirky things that have happened this week to keep me distracted, I am starting to think that this chaos was a gift. I didn’t have time to think about Jace’s surgery, about tomorrow. I didn’t have time to focus on my troubles. I was kept on my toes by one twist in my week and then the next. Have you ever thought that? That maybe the adversity you’re facing is a blessing in disguise…that maybe without the misfortune you wouldn’t make it through something even more challenging?
In the moment, I didn’t think that my week could get much worse. And then, just like that, I was strolling down the sidewalk with my son, ice cream in our bellies, and my heart was so full that I couldn’t even recall what I had been stressed about before. I’m so thankful for my son. He is my first born. He’s so different than I ever expected him to be when I became a mother…he’s so much better, more beautiful, more amazing. Tomorrow we will go through another new and, most likely, unpleasant experience together. There are no words to express how I wish I could shield him from this…but I can’t. So instead, I will be there for him. I will hold his hand. I will pray for him and anxiously wait for the doctors to return him to me safe and sound. The past two days were challenging, but none of that matters. If you have your health and the health of your family, you have everything to be grateful for…tonight, even with no car, even with slacking on my workout routine, even with getting a little behind on my housework, I am the luckiest woman in the world because I have this sweet little boy by my side ready to watch a movie with me. Looks like we’ll be missing bedtime by quite a bit tonight!